some say we are sinners.

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the sin of it all.

for the love of boys and girls and all men alike.

for the love of toys and plays in their fore’s.

 

the sin of it all.

for the love of miles and clubs in their highs.

for twos, threes, and numbers in their somes.

 

the sin of it all,

for  brothers, sisters and burning incest…

for Cersie and  her descendants.

 

the sin of it all,

for domination and all its trix.

get on your fours, take the masters whippings.

 

the sin of it all.

of trains and senses in the 8s

the otter sin of it all.

 

pick your poison.

 

 

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atbm.

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as the moon reads bedtime stories to the sun,

i feel fear drumming through my bones.

I lace my hands around my face waiting for impact.

I have learnt that,if you lay really still,he will be done quick enough to let you sleep.

You may even get in a good cry too, if you’re that type.

 

the day my mother finds out,

i wonder which i would loose first

my life or our house.

 

It has been two months since my father died.

I still lace my hands around my face sometimes,as if bracing for impact.

 

they say ‘i look happy’

I smile back because i do not know.

when a storms ends is it happiness or relive?

 

 

 

 

 

Leggo.

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I will have you know I have good and bad days.

like today.

 

I’ll have you know there are things I never say out loud.

like the times hurt broke me.

 

I must tell you there are times I have been failed.

like now, these thoughts, the words betray me.

 

Understand that this is no block

just  leggo cause the thoughts won’t build.

this voice has lost its ink.

 

where do you go when poetry fails you ?

keine.

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I really do wish you well.

I pray for you even when It hurts.

I do not need reciprocities.

being so understanding is starting to feel like a curse.

I have only ever learned to walk in love.

reasons why I am so accepting of flaws.

one day I hope you do

even though not with me

somehow the Gods taunt me with unreciprocated love.

I should be used to this.

 

#fire&gasoline

severed

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On things nobody tells you…

Sunday evenings are really the devil’s way of teasing you with suffering. Greys anatomy is really Shonda’s way of draining emotions, growing up is a myth, adulting is hard.

Everyone says when your lover leaves, your heart breaks but, no one tells you that when friends leave, your heart weakens. you can fix broken things. weakness has no cure.

They don’t tell you the hurt is different. like your heart may have actually died. Like finally, maybe, this is what heart break is.

I hate that they don’t tell you that people who hurt you are not always bad people. They are just people who were simply not the best possible version of them selves with you. Hilariously, you probably always knew. You watched them act human, be respectful, extra gracious with everyone else. Somehow, these courtesies were never extended to you. Their ‘bestfriend‘. Don’t you hate how good you became at making excuses for them, how you thought their unfair treatment of you was just a degree of  ‘comfort’ you had gotten to. so they didn’t have to put on a mask or feign nice with you. That’s the problem with comfort you get too comfortable with it.

Everyone tells you to leave people/ situations that are toxic for you but nobody tells you that  leaving might feel like the most toxic thing you have ever done even with its best for you.

Nobody tells you that good people are toxic too. When did you realize that good people are too wrapped up in their self-righteousness to see they are lethal. How did you learn to stop apologizing to yourself for apologies they never gave?

They really don’t let you know that good people are good at many things. like making you think everything is always your fault. could never be theirs, they are too good for such. They don’t tell you that your best friends might always only see the worst parts of you and it hurts when you only saw the good parts of them. Dangers of one a sided story.unclear.

When good Friendships end, it hurts more cos unlike relationships, you couldn’t see this coming. Had dreams together. The hurt will break you when you know they have love in their heart and genuine intentions but are simple lethal because they exist and love in ways that force you to compromise your happiness.

Part ways in the name of love, fight everyday to not become them. It will hurt I know. you’re mad, that’s fine. forgive yourself,you’ve learned. Do not wait for an apology.

Remember they are good people just not for/ to you.

You won’t always feel this way.

 

 

 

postcard.

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I wrote God a letter and he promised to reply.

I wrote God a letter cos my latter seems a bit unsure.

I wrote God a letter cos lately my cardinals seem to loose their bearings.

 

I wrote God a letter and I am waiting on a reply.

I wrote God a letter cos a thousand times we have been told:

you must put everything in writing.

 

I wrote God  letter cos I have questions.

I wrote God a letter cos these questions question my person.

 

I wrote God a letter , maybe he’ll write back.

I wrote God a letter but its possible, heaven no longer delivers.

 

I wrote God a letter and he promised to reply.

I wrote God a letter but I know, promises are not always kept.

 

fold your sleeves.

 

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Nobody is coming to save you.

not an ally, not your lover, no one

you must go on your journey and find your souls purpose.

you will wonder, drift and float too.

time will run and the sun will set on your broken zeal

still, dawn is a great time for regrouping.

 

Friends will leave and the hurt will break you.

weep if you may ,then, gather your pieces

make a mosaic, remember,your life is art.

Your demons will fight you,

the spirits who threatened your fathers greatness will dance on yourself doubt

still Thomas, there is a God.

do you believe?

 

Nobody is coming to save you.

not your mother, not her love, no-one.

the universe is not kind , it doesn’t hand out easy gifts.

the universe is monolingual, it doesn’t speak nepotism.

the universe is fair,  sometimes it listens.

so here, another dawn, the sun is waking

gather your wits love, you need an hero.

 

 

 

learn ya.

 

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YES,

I keep trying to teach you lessons I have not learnt

and mentor you on principles I am yet to master.

Still, empty vessels may inspire you to stay full.

don’t you think?

Bis spater.

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Small and beautiful.

City on a hill, my city. my home.

Although temporary, I have formed bonds with your streets.

I watched the sun rise and set on your lanes.

danced around your squares and had my heart broken in your corners.

you have been kind to me.

 

Quiet and serene,

your calm has taught me peace.

I have found myself in you and found allies too.

Still, in you, I have burned bridges.

I have roamed your walls at 2am when my heart could not settle.

I have laughed and spat, and ate and cried.

I have loved you.

 

My city, my home, small and beautiful.

Sadly, I must say, the time has come, we must go our separate ways.

I must find another love even for a while, I must try.

There will be no other like you, none cosier, none simpler.

none who knows me like you do.

I’m ready still, I am not.

 

City on a hill.

my city, small and beautiful.

I will always love you.

 

DRGENIUZ.

 

 

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I am calm.

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Bland,

the food in mouth has lost its taste.

 

This substance hovers, unknown,

It sits in my chest heavy and wouldn’t bulge.

My belly churns but my heart sits cool, it is used to this pain.

My mind holds a riot but my head is calm.

my bones need to protest but I have no zest.

my exhaustion is heating my skin, yet I am cold.

my members cry in commotion so I stand still.

I am tired.

I am done.

I am frustrated.

Then I am disappointed

I do not know what to do with this anger.

 

Its, handled ,its great, I am fine.