Heart wants love…sometimes

                giphy (1)

  Its not always sunshine and rainbows. Some days its hard.This life,being single. Baeless. Some nights solitude cant quite drive the cold away or the need to talk to someone. And Independence couldn’t beat being taken care of or cuddled.Being alone is hard sometimes, they dont tell you this.

       Some days the heart wants more than just food and space.It wants to love, be loved, be mushy and feel this things too.On these days I almost envy them.In relationships.I want to get mad or be angry at another too.just for the fun of it maybe I dont really know.Other days when I see how much work and energy they put into it I am not quite so jealous.

I wonder often, what it must mean to be in this things. Are they the first people you want to talk to when you rise at dawn? or the last  you think of when your bones are tired from the days work?.I thought we had family for that.

     Well, then I have been told there is the sex.Its constant, always available. You dont have to worry on days when the hormones are racing. But arent there lots in celibate relationships? or why cant we just be f***buddies then? *excuse my french* :).I mean really? is it worth all the stress,heart, head and even body aches.?some get pregnant,have their life changed forever, good friendships get squashed and deep horrific scars are left all in the name of “bae”. On weak days when I think of all of this I am good. like “nah”… no worries Ill stay loyal to singletons club.

Then the worse happens.When one grows tired. sparks no longer fly and all the butterflies in your tummy die with each kiss,both become irritants to each other, still, none is brave enough to state the obvious.Break it off. And if this emotional death is one sided,you put nails to the others coffin when you finally find the courage to be free.leaving them to bury their feelings.And lick their wounds from the hurt closure couldn’t quite heal.

However,on days like this where “SINGLE” is an overridden boat and loneliness is deep in my veins,I almost dont mind. Ill grumpily  lend my time to be wasted,lend forgiveness and let a fellow invade my space without over-analysis or panic attacks.Ill fall in love while hoping I land on soft pillows with strength enough to pick myself up when pillow feathers become thorns.

                                                           ********

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