Flowers.

 

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Today I thought about flowers, how delicate they are, how beautiful but how so easily they destruct. Beautiful things are the most fragile I have realized.

we were beautiful.

At least I thought we were. The roots we planted with time bloomed into something so jealously beautiful.Too many secrets shared to be just friends but not enough courage to be lovers. “frovers” . Guess that’s the thing about sitting on  fences and gray lines, nothing really is clear.

One phone call too many, one joke too many, one 3am conversation too many. I say “I’m sad” and you listen, “if  you’re sad I’m sad and that’s bad for me” you’ll say.  Next you crack dry jokes till I get mad and you say “mad is always better than sad”cos you know I cant stay mad long so I’ll be fine soon. cheesy acts. One too many.

Days after we fight about nothing, you say you’re sorry and you missed me. I’m sorry  too but my pride is broken, I missed you too but we don’t do sentimental stuff so I reply with something goofy like ‘I know’, ‘I cant live without me either’. you chuckle and I can  hear the disappointment in your voice. like maybe this once you wish I would reply different. I wish I would too. sometimes I almost do, My mouth opens and goofiness gets the best of me. fear maybe?. I do not know what it is I am afraid of but I know I should be. I am .you ask about my day, what I ate and how I have been.so much happened in the past days so I hurry to fill you in . I Tell you about my mean  professor and my patient from days ago And the new guy I think I may like. God! I have missed you.

Our friends say we should be lovers, get married, we laugh it off. But that’s the hitch with laughing too much, your tummy starts to hurt and next your heart starts to hurt too. They say rumour spreads fast, pain spreads faster. I say I don’t like your new girl friend the older one laughed better. you say the guy I like should treat me better , I deserve better. No we are  not jealous just looking out for each other. That’s what we always do.

That’s what we used to do. things change , people change, feelings change.

I thought about you  today, I had a bad day and you’re the only one I wanted to call. I felt sad today and wondered if that would still make you sad. would it still be bad for you?

I thought about you today, I wanted to tell you I was sorry and I miss you. Its been months since we last spoke,you no longer pick your calls. I got the message, I no longer try.

I thought about you today and felt my heart half break. Instagram and our friends say life’s been good with you.

That’s the problem with ‘frovers‘, you loose a friend and an almost lover. your heart breaks twice and neither breaks even.

Beautiful things are fragile they say.

I miss you.

 

 

 

 

 

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