There is nothing romantic about suffering.
I am constantly torn between ‘all or nothing’ and ‘half a loaf beats none’. Why cant I have a whole loaf? what good is half when it only angers my hunger? why must I be okay with half baked everythings, love, food,sucess, happiness? cant one have it all? demand it even.
Sometimes I am convinced,we are so used to pain we don’t want anything else. Cant expect anything else.
I have gotten into feuds and blood roiling arguments with good friends cos I cant understand why they must stay with a lover that hands them half baked love. They are visibly trying more, want more and are sometimes constantly telling tales of their lovers disregard or laxity towards them. soon as I suggest they demand more or walk away , I become Dj khaled’s “they” or they conclude that I do not understand cos I am single or have never really been in love. This is usually where lines are drawn as emotions are skipping dangerously, words are geared to hurt and to be very honest, I am tired of them being tired of their lovers not giving enough.
I have also often wondered do they not love themselves enough?. I know they deserve better, do they not know the same?. Is everybody so scared of being alone that we would all take passive lovers, past memory partners (i.e, he is nice. One time he got me ice cream) great, guess you only needed ice cream once. (they text you after months and you throw a party) . If this is what being in love entails I should be glad I’m out of it.
Then, dare you decide or refuse to participate in this suffering. LMAO.
you must think you’re special.
I say I don’t understand why a man who claims to love me can’t be consistent, be nice to me, text me regularly, make an effort, they say I am high maintenance or living in fairy tales. well I am sorry I think a lover should at least have basic human characteristics.
And who am I to have dreams bigger than me. loool. They say you are dreaming, these things don’t happen this way, life doesn’t work that way, you can dream but it may not come true.
On marriage and other stressful things:
I think I need a brand new post for this.
Have you tried asking people why they get into unhappy marriages, become worse versions of themselves everyday and still don’t walk away from such toxicity?. Something about pain and stress just makes us want to stay, brings out our resilience…
Pain is addictive I have realised…
There is so much I feel we become comfortable with just cos having one is better than none…Our jobs, evil bosses, friendships, you name it. how ever I feel love, dreams and marriage are some we just are so annoyingly happy to endure…
Young, Unreal, delusional, hilarious are some of the tags I have been giving cos of these questions . Maybe I am all those things, Ill rather be those than unhappy, suffering or romanticising pain.
but what do I know?