Everything I never told you.

There are parts of me I have not yet discovered. Other parts of me come to live only when the sun slips Into its grave. There are days when I shock myself and days when I am irritated by how simply ordinary this soul can get.

Something about my space  brings me joy,no intruders just me. Still, something about crowds makes me almost glad, to be lost, feigning sanguine, wearing my extrovert perfectly.

I am my fathers daughter. I have no time for frivolities, sentiments, fervours or headless carelessness. Time is money ,it should not be wasted. Space is personal, it shall not be invaded. The head is the only organ that leads governace by any other is futile.

Logic is my foundation and trust is a fools delight. Still, something about you leaves me damned. love is for ignorant schmucks but you make me crave ignorance.

I want you in my space, soaking up air, intruding with no apologies, wasting time I don’t have,folding clothes you haven’t bought.

I want to fight over nothing and everything.

peace is paramount but for you, I’d start a riot, send my members to war and bask in their wreckage. With you, my logic quivers, head looses its hold and my heart attempts a coup, all of me slugs still, I’m willing, ready,I surrender….

when you do eventually break me, pray you leave flowers by my pieces, a funeral befitting.

There would be no recovery here..






Awards and what~nots.

IMG_5158April always rolls in with its jokes, but sometimes, it drags random,half minded decisions in with it…getting this blog 3 years ago was one of the half baked decisions. It comes with surprises too, like, a liebetser award…yaay!!.

so,pened in geniuz was nominated by the uber artsy memoirs of alexander? for the liebster awards.whoever said doctors were boring clearly hasn’t read her blog. Treat your self to something nice,Visit her super versatile blog you will be inspired, fall into reveries or find your self delving into the worlds of astrology….like I said versatile.

We can all agree that I’m a coolie now yeah?.. no? okay

well, lets get to quizzing…



W hat country/city would you love to live in and why?

I must confess, my heart is splitting. france or Greece. Ever so often, south of france calls me still,  I feel like Santorini is where my heart lies. Take me where ever the ocean lies and I am content. Somewhere with bright city lights and cool air.But, interceptions between new york and santorini are welcomed to be suggested. thank you.

Whats the key thing blogging has taught you?

Writing is all about expressing  not impressing. Also, everybody has different literary styles, diction and delivery too. Stick  to yours.

If you had a time machine, would you go to the past or future and why?

yeah, the past is gone and I learn to let it go but ill go back just to make sure miss Eve left that damn apple alone.I mean, look at this mess. These fruits and veggies really never did us any good.

Sweet or savory?

Swavory… humour me, I can’t pick. God gave us all these options for reasons.

What is your favorite book of all times? would you recommend it?

Its got to be DONT SAY A WORD by Barbara freethy. As a young lass delving into the world of prose and all things literature, This was the first book to capture my attention and hold it. Till its last bits. I have read greater books but this is still my fav.

What are the top five things on your bucket list?

I truly do not have a bucket list. I keep trying to make one, no avail. but here are a few things I guess i’d like to do.

1.visit 30 countries by 30

2.Ferry trips: I’d like to go on a ferry where you live on for couple of weeks, inter city visits and stops, organised concerts, a pool and all the fancy stuff.

3. learn to fly a plane. genius no?

4. Take acting or interior decoration classes , maybe get a degree.

5. sky diving: if death really is near.

What is your favorite thing about your blog?

Its theme.

Give five facts about your.

1.I dont fancy not knowing stuff. ignorance is never a good mood.

2.I fancy spending time alone. something about dark rooms and music.

3. Every time I  share something personal, I get sad.

4. I think spring is the prettiest weather.

5.I would like to be given the opportunity to not understand plantains without my african card being revoked.

Tell me something about my writing that you love, or dont love.

I absolutely love your imagery. I have the attention span of a gold fish so length would be my least favorite thing.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what is the answer?

Great, since you asked. I would have loved to be asked what my bank account number was or  if you could get me a blank ticket. The answer is yes.  please make it a trip to turkey Antalya thank you.


1.what’s the most useless talent you have? how did you dicover it?

2.would you rather lose all your pictures or all your money and why?.

3.Would you rather  be alone for the rest of  your life or surrounded by irritating people for the rest of your life.

4.What’s your dream vacation and why?

5. what’s something you think everyone looks stupid doing? why?

6. what’s usually the first impressions people usually have of you? are they usually true?

7.what do you think of my blog?

8. what’s your greatest fear? why?

9. Give 3 of your unpopular opinion.

10. do you think your friends enemies should automatically be your enemies and why?

11. do you believe in soul mates? do you think there’s more than one for everybody? do you think everyone meets their soulmates?

I’d  like to nominate:


little fears
sauce box

HarsH ReaLiTy

now, please all who have been nominated, we have few rules …
The rules are:
Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you and display the award logo.
Answer 11 questions that the blogger sets you.
Nominate blogs that you think are deserving of the award.
Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer.
Let your nominees know about their nomination!

congratulations guys…

thank youmemoirs of alexander





Summer haze…

morning comes with joy, the flowers laugh too…

here, the end is near I see it..

I should be happier, my attachments hold me.

These people, this city, familiar auras.

This life I know, these street turns I have mastered.

but change is inevitable…


I try to breathe bigger..

walk these roads longer.

Drink these last moments… slowly.

I said a prayer then another..

I hope when the universe pulls us all apart, I hope the rift is not too wide…

however,hope is a fools delight….

I always wondered what bitter sweet tasted like…this is it.






The ones who made mother bleed.


And I watch her, disgust pitting in my throat.

here, her desperation on display. On bent knees and red eyes. There is nothing subtle about this pain. She can not hide it.

Daddy, I know you can help me. you are my last bus top’  she says.

I can not hide my disgust. my throat bubbles,my ears hurt.In this moment I realise, pain can make you worship anything. Here, sprawled at the preachers feet, my mother is an example.

She continues her ritual, flinging herself on him as if her sorrows will leave her body with this gesture. He holds her, pats her back. Motions for one of his minions to bring her a chair. Mother takes this as bait, a beckoning…She spills the contents of her heart all in one breathe….

‘My son is running mad, my husband has brought his mistress into the house, she has a child, my home is on fire…what will they say, what will people think?’

I have not moved from where I have been standing since we got here. Rage comes, it shakes me,I hold the church doors for support. Sadness comes next, it breaks me, brings me to my knees.  I look at my mother, pouring her heart to the preacher man as he pats her pain away. She shudders and shakes, crying still. The preachers minions are oblivious to my presence. They are transfixed on my mother. listening intently with pity plastered on their faces. Who is this woman? I do not recognise her.

I weep, bitterly…

I dry my tears

I will never be her.

here, Foreign


Where I come from, you do not say your deepest wants for fear of who is passing.

Everything is a completion. you have troubles, I know still, They are not bigger than mine. You are the happiest human alive, you must learn to wear this camouflage till you have enough privacy to nourish your truth; sadness.

You mustn’t be sad too long either, it is impossible to have your depressions kill you, there are demons in your fathers house already nailing your coffins. Gather your strength, you must bury them all. Death by fire and holy water.

You can wear your happiness but do not parade it too long. Truly, do not parade it at all, you have no such rights. Tell your good news only to your lover at home. Actually, do not tell him, the gods from his village  maybe listening. They may grown resistant to the fire that burnt your family’s juju.

You must lock your flight details in your minds safe. A million times it has been said, tell not a single soul. You must trust no one, your mother has echoed it enough, the world is dangerous.

Where I come from, you have not lived until you have danced the dance of suffering. you are only half alive if you have life easy.                                                                                            Where I come from, you can not have life easy, who is your daddy?                                          we will take good things but only in  bouts, The lights must come on but not for too long. Nothing very constant or fear sets tents in your hearts.

Still, where I come from, resilience is abundant. We love from our souls and feed our love to you. Sharing is second nature. Everybody’s spice comes together and dinner is served. Your neighbour is always your sister until branded enemy by the preacher man.

Sitting in winters hold, home calls me, the hustling and bustling of the markets, comradeship, Saturday morning, the aroma of your neighbour’s cooking..red oil and purple onions..

here, no mans land.

The gag.



My ex lover said I was selfish still, he only put himself first, second and fourth too. I could come in third but 3 is a crowd he told me once. My lover told me he had never felt the depth of attraction he felt for me. when we met, he said he was drawn to broken people. I spoke of this tale to my friends but they asked that I be more open minded, they suffocate me with their analogies but they are My small circle, a closed group.

My therapist told me he had no one to talk to about his troubles. I was in search of clarity and windows to openness so I listened. He said his daughter died from a tumour in her brain. she was a neurosurgeon. I found this hilarious so I laughed, this is how I was diagnosed with misplaced emotions.

I talk too much, I share very little.The sessions did me no good so I went to my priest. He taught me of God, his unconditional love and how he hates me for all my iniquities.  My troubles came as consequences of my sins he said. My soul was dead and satans minions had chained me to hells graves. Fortunately, there was hope for me he said. If  I walked the walls of  repentance, Graced his sheets quietly enough and stood in my truth. I had never met a more gracious fibster.

I decided, I would get rid of my troubles alone so I searched google for all the ways to set my old soul on fire. I got 27,310 matches. I realized then I wasn’t gassed enough to start a fire. I have left that fit for the arsenics.


none of this has brought me clarity or pulled the lid my mind has been said to have however, I’m off to have a chit-chat with my closed friends.

I know, this wasn’t funny.




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Make of this what you will.

I am grown and tired.

The chase, the guess ,inane games.

I will reiterate, please listen.

I’m too grown for this , lost my auction at assumptions gates, the will to stand shifty tides, sort through mixed signals and read between ill, faintly crafted lines. The world is moving and I must scurry along with it.

I have no room for guesses or tic tac toes on where you stand.

are you here or there?’,

this is no lovers brawl, no tug of war either. I have given enough self, I must preserve what is left for me. Regrettably, I have left too much space for your frivolities, and wished for too long that you abandon juvenile manners. Time has taught me to careless for drifty ways.

I will not read minds, poetry awaits.

I will not chase, I have given up feline ways.

I will not plead for intentionality or open honesty.

I will not bleed for trust, still, I’ll stay worthy of it.

I will not push for transparency or leap out of comfort zones to comprehend the unsteadiness of your tides.

I will not intently open my souls doors for you, still I shall not close them. I refuse to present you with the chance to betray my efforts. Again.

I will not wait to catch hints and pick up crumbs of real intent. I simply do not have the time. Frankly, I care not for wavering allies.

Come if you will, stay if wish, go if you please.

whatever you please, be intentional.


I’m attracted to light.

in skin,cities and teas too.

I have swam in too much darkness to let my self drown there.


Everything but nothing.

Grey is the blandest colour. It doesn’t scream but isn’t drowsy either. it swings on a fence just enough to not be completely ignored. how meh, It is the blandest feeling too. Nothing  is wrong but nothings right either.

Some days, dawn comes with its party, other days it drags melancholy with it. You feel peace but you don’t quite taste happiness still, far from sadness.

My tongue doesn’t know me sometimes, other times it amazes me. how can one have everything but nothing? be so much but so little? how does one be sunlight and still carry this much gloom. Its not sadness, just gloom.

Many, many friends but still no one. Be so loved but easily discarded. usefully useless, accommodated but not accepted. alone but surrounded.


what is it when you feel everything but nothing?

not enough sadness to be pitied not enough happy to be noticed

oh so tastefully bland. grey.


heart on chords.


Break my heart,

stitch it together then, break me.

kiss my senses, let my members go to war.

Bring me happiness,

invade my soul, let my feet dance to your tone

body follows suits, seduction.

Give me closure,

you understand me, speak when my tongue deserts me.

this feelings I cant put in words…

euphoria, desolation, calm, turmoil, blithe…

you make me feel it all, art.