bliss.

a

Something about poetry and 4am.

makes my veins come alive.

Devils cup.

keep your darkness in the pockets of your tee shirt.

tame your demons before they strangle you.

you must tuck your troubles in an envelope and seal it with a smile.

don’t you cry loud now, the others are dressing their tears.

come, dip your fears in cologne now my darling.

you must learn the art of soliloquy.

There is too much darkness for yours to be noticed, considered even.

nobody cares unless you’re pretty or dying.

Set your table, dine with the devil.

drink of his cup, heed not his words

darkness is here, be very afraid.

Take a chill, now the pill.

 

paper people.

the pretty one

Vintage Art Deco Mucha Spring Lady Art Nouveau

Honeyed legs in a skirt, watch her sway.

locs of peaceful yellow,

bosom filled with careless promises

the sun and rain at war for her sake.

The breeze grows a crush and flirts shamelessly.

oh! she makes the birds sing,

chases the fog away, makes a lads day.

misses grow green with envy.

Orchid, lavender, daisies

Flora and Adonis dance in unison

have you seen anything more beautiful?

eyes catch the mist,

noses cry at dawn in awe…

sniff

the pretty one….

 

 

 

Not a soul.

Mother, all is well.

the sun is not kind.

but,uncles wife is warm.

 

Mother, my heart is full.

uncle says I’m grown, I’m a strong boy now.

he will teach me to trade,

I will work hard.

 

Mother, I am scared.

‘Its our little secret’ he says

I must be a man now.

 

Mother, I cant tell a soul.

Cold blooded.

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They say,

you are the spitting imagine of your father.

They ask,

why are you so cold?

mirror in hands still, they cant see…

carbon copies

‘They’

There is nothing romantic about suffering.

 

I am constantly torn between ‘all or nothing’ and  ‘half a loaf beats none’. Why cant I have a whole loaf? what good is half when it only angers my hunger? why must I be okay with half baked everythings, love, food,sucess, happiness? cant one have it all? demand it even.

Sometimes I am convinced,we are so used to pain we don’t want anything else. Cant expect anything else.

I have gotten into feuds and blood roiling  arguments with good friends cos I cant understand why they must stay with a lover that hands them half baked love. They are visibly trying more, want more and are sometimes constantly telling tales of their lovers disregard or laxity towards them. soon as I  suggest they demand more or walk away , I become Dj khaled’s “they” or they conclude that I do not understand cos I am single or have never really been in love. This is usually where lines are drawn as emotions are skipping dangerously, words are geared to hurt and to be very honest, I am tired of them being tired of their lovers not giving enough.

I have also often wondered do they not love themselves enough?. I know they deserve better, do they not know the same?. Is everybody so scared of being alone that we would all take passive lovers, past memory  partners (i.e, he is nice. One time he got me ice cream) great, guess you only needed  ice cream once. (they text you after months and you throw a party) . If this is what being in love entails I should be glad I’m out of it.

 

Then, dare you decide or refuse to  participate in this suffering. LMAO.

you must think you’re special.

I say I don’t understand why a man who claims to love me can’t be consistent, be nice to me, text me regularly, make an effort, they say I am high maintenance or living in fairy tales. well I am sorry I think a lover should at least  have basic human characteristics.

And who am I to have dreams bigger than me. loool. They say you are dreaming, these things don’t happen this way, life doesn’t work that way, you can dream but it may not come true.

On  marriage and other stressful things:

I think I need a brand new post for this.

Have you tried asking  people why they get into unhappy marriages, become worse versions of themselves everyday and still don’t walk away from such toxicity?. Something about pain and stress just makes us want to stay, brings out our resilience…

 

Pain is addictive I have realised…

 

There is so much I feel we become comfortable with just cos having one is better than none…Our jobs, evil bosses, friendships, you name it. how ever I feel love, dreams and marriage are some we just are so annoyingly happy to endure…

Young, Unreal, delusional, hilarious are some of the tags I have been giving cos of these questions . Maybe I am all those things, Ill rather be those than unhappy, suffering or romanticising pain.

but what do I know?488378140

 

 

 

Red.

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My man friend comes home reeking of another’s love.

                       Dear lover,

        I hope the colour of red that spills out of your throat when I slit it matches her lipstick.

the sauce.

mocanu-bw-blackwhite-tremendo-artistic-black-and-white-photography-woman-sadness-sad-beauty_large

 

Father I am worried.

My bowels are full but my heart is empty.

The future seems promising but tomorrow is so unsure.

they all say I’m great but all I feel is small.

 

Forgive me Father, we haven’t spoken in a while.

the words come, but the mouth feels unworthy.

my spirit wills but the flesh holds no power.

 

help me Father, I am lost in life’s sauce.

 

 

 

No, it doesn’t hurt.

Today, I introduced my self to my mother.

“your mother must be so proud”

she says as I tell her I am a lawyer now.

I tell her the names of the kids in the picture on her bed post.

And that this is home now.

She nods and lets it sink in.

She asks about her son and why he never comes home.

Brother is a congress man now,

he hasn’t called in 4 years,

I cant tell her that.

She is a disease his career must never catch.

I am telling her about his new appointment.

 

“Who are you?”

she asks.

 

 

 

Sad note.

I’m so sad.

I don’t know why.

Like, everyone I love will leave me sad.

Just sad.

Like God will you help me? sad.

And sad music isn’t sad enough sad.

Like food has no taste sad.

and paint the sun black sad.

like buy an ice cream just to watch it spill sad,

and I’m so inadequately enough sad.

Just tremendously sad.

like, I don’t know what’s wrong sad.

And plan a trip so I can miss my flight sad.

but I’m too sad to plan a trip. this makes me sad.

like,I’m too young to be this sad

I’m too happy to be this sad.

like my sad is just sad, sad.

like, just sad.

                                     

how sad.